I can’t fall asleep dammit!
The idea of sleep is sleep is that I shut my eyes and be transported into dreamland, easy as pie, except, It isn’t. I shut my eyes while replaying black swan in my head as I try to catch the dream bus, but it seems like I keep missing it. Instead, I find myself wandering this vast land of nothingness and occasionally tripping over this pretty rock that won’t budge, maybe this is actually what a dream feels like. Every time I enter “Nothingness” as I like to call it, I play around with things. I make an earthquake, a tornado, and last time I finally crushed the mocking-jay with invisible-incoming traffic as it tried making it’s way towards me with passionate resentment, it did mention the last time that I was invading its homeland.
Sleeplessness hasn’t always been my buddy. Once upon a time I could ride in the clouds, bury a body, kiss my best friend, you know , the usual dream stuff , I slept with the ease of breathing, it came to me easier than people did, it was my closest pal .Then later I started jumping off rooftops and instead of burying I was doing the killing: knives, guns and all. Every time I thought I could fly, every time I failed. The force with which I hit the ground always brought me back regardless of what I wanted, I wanted to hit the ground, but I guess I also really didn’t. seeing as I woke up every time. The thrill of the kills lasted until there was no one to clear the bodies: there is apparently no one to clean up my mess, my dream-maker must have forgotten to put that in the settings. I would also like to change this tomb raider outfit I’ve been rocking for a while to something darker please, maybe one of the outfits Lisa had on in the last m/v?
Once my dreams became a bit too horrid( bloody, plus some weird guy in a trench coat wouldn’t stop chasing me in the dark:dammit! I love trench coats, less now), my mind doesn’t sleep. My subconscious is somehow sooo alert for no decisive reason. So, I chose ASMR. At least once I listen to some ‘girl brushing hair’ ‘ scalp scraping melody’ I was definitely going somewhere. One time I listened to a squealing cat in pain for about 30 minutes and I almost got to the gates of dreamland yes!, until the cat died: the cat couldn’t take the recurrent mild but hurtful stabbing, I later surfed the internet for a squealing dog till I got to nothingness.
Nothingness is now home. I changed a few things here and there so it doesn’t look so empty, I added some fine dust, and a twig that changes slightly green every time I smile. Willpower doesn’t really work In Nothingness, so when you get to dreamland please grow me a beautiful tree.
