As a young girl I enjoyed the adrenaline
The rush of wind at my feet
The sports days and display of Mom’s ribbon decorated ponytails
My heart pounding so loud I was sure my competitor could hear it.
The flush to my cheeks every time I deserved the Gold
My body dancing to it’s own accord, every movement ironically fluid in it’s awkwardness
The giggles turned open laughter
My brain tasked to flourish outside of the math
Creativity erupting eagerly from our mind, mouth, eyes
My eyes and mind seeking for adventure
My bruises and mistakes a beautiful color to my dark skin
Our smile, the prettiest picture for the mind
I was spectacular and We knew it
There’s no way you forgot those times, blurry in mind but vivid to our eyes. The up-close, personal and vulgar, all while “maintaining our innocence” she had said,
They called us children and we believed it.
Then I grew up
My eyes , open — maybe blind--or faulty
My weak knees — faltered mostly — , now an excuse to no longer run, my body refusing to find rhythm
My laughter became a stutter. Overlapping cries, they called it noise
My confidence I could no longer confide in
My growing height a pain to my wish for disappearing
The ‘fear' a great new normalcy
All that creativity, Misdirected, aloof, wasted
All the sad memories living in plain sight, the good memories all splattered and shattered.
So what exactly happened? That I can answer.
Grown now. Grown but still young at heart.
Me becoming you
My body refusing to listen to my heart.
My mind far away from my head.
My head in the cloud when all I need is my feet on the ground
Wishing for a home in the clouds 🌈 when all I need is some land on the ground
But maybe this is a good thing, ‘growing’ I mean…
Maybe there’s some context to it( more than meets the eye)
There’s cool stuff like staying out till 6, responsibility, acne, and a bunch of other stuff.
Nobody cares if I brush my teeth. I can get a loan. Pretend I care about politics.
So, I’m moving my feet toward the start of a journey
Save myself if I may
It’s difficult to walk now that I’m 70kg- Oooff ,I used to be light as a feather,
But I’ll keep walking purposefully
With a dream to live and strive
Revive and faint
Lose and win
Conquer and eventually be conquered by death
And eternally, live!
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity — Tom Stoppard
Mood:
Writing this with one leg resting on a wall as I lie down thinking of blue walls, validation and 🍕.
