2 min readMar 22, 2021


Photo by Seven Shooter on Unsplash

As a young girl I enjoyed the adrenaline

The rush of wind at my feet

The sports days and display of Mom’s ribbon decorated ponytails

My heart pounding so loud I was sure my competitor could hear it.

The flush to my cheeks every time I deserved the Gold

My body dancing to it’s own accord, every movement ironically fluid in it’s awkwardness

The giggles turned open laughter

My brain tasked to flourish outside of the math

Creativity erupting eagerly from our mind, mouth, eyes

My eyes and mind seeking for adventure

My bruises and mistakes a beautiful color to my dark skin

Our smile, the prettiest picture for the mind

I was spectacular and We knew it

There’s no way you forgot those times, blurry in mind but vivid to our eyes. The up-close, personal and vulgar, all while “maintaining our innocence” she had said,

They called us children and we believed it.

Then I grew up

My eyes , open — maybe blind--or faulty

My weak knees — faltered mostly — , now an excuse to no longer run, my body refusing to find rhythm

My laughter became a stutter. Overlapping cries, they called it noise

My confidence I could no longer confide in

My growing height a pain to my wish for disappearing

The ‘fear' a great new normalcy

All that creativity, Misdirected, aloof, wasted

All the sad memories living in plain sight, the good memories all splattered and shattered.

So what exactly happened? That I can answer.

Grown now. Grown but still young at heart.

Me becoming you

My body refusing to listen to my heart.

My mind far away from my head.

My head in the cloud when all I need is my feet on the ground

Wishing for a home in the clouds 🌈 when all I need is some land on the ground

But maybe this is a good thing, ‘growing’ I mean…

Maybe there’s some context to it( more than meets the eye)

There’s cool stuff like staying out till 6, responsibility, acne, and a bunch of other stuff.

Nobody cares if I brush my teeth. I can get a loan. Pretend I care about politics.

So, I’m moving my feet toward the start of a journey

Save myself if I may

It’s difficult to walk now that I’m 70kg- Oooff ,I used to be light as a feather,

But I’ll keep walking purposefully

With a dream to live and strive

Revive and faint

Lose and win

Conquer and eventually be conquered by death

And eternally, live!

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity — Tom Stoppard


Writing this with one leg resting on a wall as I lie down thinking of blue walls, validation and 🍕.




I love, love “About me” pages. Love for everything Godly, beautiful, Mankind, and weird ASMR. 🎈🎀